My fitness competition is only 9 days away. It seems so far away yet seems so close almost like I’m not ready for it and need more time. I am a competitive athlete. I need to have strength in what I do for a living. Aside from needing to look somewhat hot for the porn videos I make and aside from the porn wrestling I do, I also am a competitive athlete outside of my job. I compete in internationally recognized tournaments and competitions ranging from MMA, BJJ and triathlons.  I need to keep my strength for those competitions. Looking good on stage is nice and all but what it takes to look that way is not conducive to being a competitive athlete. Most the girls who do these fitness/figure/bodybuilding shows start dieting 6-10 weeks before the competition. I suppose my normal every day eating habits are comparable to what these girls call a “diet” but I still take in more calories than what a competitive fitness model takes in.  I had 2 big tournaments I was preparing for that I needed to stay strong for up until july 1st. I was in London until July 2nd. My fitness comp is July 21 which gave me exactly 19 days to start my super diet to prepare for the show. Dieting while abroad is NOT hard.  Almost every place in the world has a place you can find chicken breast and veggies. The hard part was knowing that I needed carbs to be able to stay in Peak condition for my matches but knowing that those carbs were going to make my 19 days of dieting all the more hard. Come July 3rd, when I was back in the states the diet started. I have been limited to 4 meals a day, egg whites and berries in the morning, 5 oz tilapia and 1 cup asparagus at around noon, 5oz chicken and 1cup green beans around 4pm and at around 8pm I got to top my day off with 5oz of sardines and 1 cup green beans…I am quite good with spices so I made all these things taste rather enjoyable. That’s just about 100o calories a day for my diet the last 11 days but what I’m expending is just about 2500 calories. I am doing heavy running in the AM..nice and early at 6am I get up and run hills. I still lift weights just not as heavy as I’m use to. Then I have a 1 hour hike in the afternoon. 2 hours of grappling at night and then a nice 1 hour jog in the evening. This has been my life the past 11 days. The exercise is nothing..this is easy compared to the routine I do on a regular basis but on a regular basis I’m also use to having about 2500-4000 calories in my belly to burn. This has been a true shock my my system. I’m tired all the time and a little groggy in the brain. When people try to talk to me I just sit and hear them….I don’t listen, I just hear. I seem to have little patience with people. If someone does something completely lame, I call them on their bullshit as opposed to shutting up and letting it slide  as I usually do.

Anyfart…we all know dieting makes people moody. that’s not why I’m writing this blog.

Up until a few days ago, I was fine with the diet. Today it’s hurting. I did a really heavy day of workouts. My fitness competition coach gives me the workout I should be going but we don’t calculate the stuff I need to do for my martial arts training. I’m probably training too much but I’m not going to stop my training to do this show. On the other hand, my fitness coach reminds me that I only had 19 days to switch my diet and change up exercise routine while the other girls had 6 weeks….so I am doing the crash course on dieting and routine to get into shape for the show so that extra work I’m doing my be saving my ass to keep up with the other girls. I’m interested to see how I look compared to the girls who did the 6-10 weeks of diet. Sometimes I think I’m too small for the division I’m in. I’m doing the WBFFshows.com fitness diva competition. They want us to be muscular, more muscular than a bikini model or a fitness model but not as muscular as a figure model. I do not have to do the tumbling acts or wear an evening gown like the fitness and bikini models do. I start getting worried that I’m dieting too much and I’m getting too small and them my coach forwards me pics of other girls who won the show I’m doing and then I start panicking that I’m way to muscular for the division I’m in. I feel like a misfit. I’m too muscular for fitness and not muscular enough for figure. I guess I could always take the easy way out and just stop working out and soften up a lot to do bikini but I am already insecure about being this small now. I prefer to be bigger. I prefer to be 125lbs, I’m down to 115lbs now. While I was competing in my BJJ tournament I went up to 128lbs since they were putting me in the heavier divisions ( there were not girls at my 125 weight so they bumped me to the 131-150 weight class) so I went from 128 down to 115 in the last 11 days.

Sunday I get to switch up my diet and exercise routine. I do protein and fat diet and less cardio but more intense cardio with tabata style weight lifting….should be fun. I am just happy to mix things up a bit. Oh Oh and I get 6 meals a day as opposed to 4 but no green beans or asparagus from now on, just tablespoons of flax seed oil…yum.

I absolutely love these BeBe dresses. This is hte black version of the blue one I posted earlier. thank you soooo much to indigo for getting this for me.

Someone got this for my birthday and I thought since Comic Con is going on this week, I’d take some special pictures and post them in honor of the convention. Thank you for the cute outfit

xxo

Thanks for the differnt types of shorts off my wishlist, I love them all.

I’m back from London, again. I’ve been there 3 times in the last 365 days. I’m growing quite fond of the place and the people. I was there this time for a tournament for Monica’s Wrestling Center.  I didn’t have much spare time to see sites this time around. I was busy with sessions and sessions and session…well pretty much just sessions. I met some great people. while I was out there. I even got recognized on the street which is always fun for me cause it doesn’t happen very often. I always happens when I’m alone and I know exactly why. People have common sense. They don’t want to approach me if I’m with someone cause they may not want to “blow my cover” hahah you know..maybe I’m with my rabbi or a church friend…you never know….don’t worry guys, I don’t go to church and if I did I wouldn’t hang out with anyone who was that judgemental. I’m really going off topic here. bah…okay back to London. I don’t really have much else to say about London itself as I didn’t really do much there. The tournament was extremely fun for me, especially my last match with Antscha. I had 3 matches for the tournament. My first match was with Xana, second was with Victoria and last was with Antscha. I was the only girl to have 3 matches that day just do to logistics but I was more than happy to perform 3 times for the audience and future video viewers. I had no idea what to expect. I have not seen any of the girls’ videos. All I heard was that each was very good and had different skill sets. I felt as if I went in as prepared as I could. I had just performed in a local BJJ tournament in Southern California and won the gold there, so I knew I had my skills down. I had my cardio up to par since again, I had just done and won a tournament in So cal. The only thing that has been throwing me off slightly to this piont in the diet I am on as I gear up for this fitness competition. I was 4 weeks out from my fitness comp for this particular tournement in London. I am on limited carb intake which means strength and endurance was going to be an issue for me and I knew this. I did everything in my power to keep my strength for this tournament. It was one of the hardest weeks I have ever had. I had three, 1 hour sessions each day and 2 out of the 3 each day was a competitive session which means I was throwing around big opponents for an hour….every intenese stuff. I was limited on what I could eat. I was lucky enough to find a great fish place down the road and I got to eat sea bass every day…yum. Also, I found a great Turkish food place down the road from my place and I had Sucuklu menemen or chicken kebabs for dinner every day….yes I’m sure it made me smell delicious. :). Indian and turkish food were my life savers while I was in London. By the time I got to the tournament in London, I was over worked, under fed, sleep deprived, jet lagged, and I was still a tough mutha trucker. I was pleased with my performance. I wasn’t happy with it but I was okay with it. I know I could have and should have done better which will always haunt me but I think I did well so I will let myself off the hook and not beat myself up too much.

So here I am, home from london and 2 weeks out from my fitness competition. I had to meet with my dietician yesterday so she could see what I look like. She was afraid that I would have binged while I was traveling….I was almost insulted that she didn’t know how deciplined I am so I giggled when I got naked in front of her and heard her say “thank god, I though you were gonna look horrible after your travelling but you are right on task” of course I am. pshha…come on now..Sadly, the hard part starts now. I am down to 1100 calories a day intake and it’s all salades and fish basically….I am required to do cardio 2 times a day…which is what I do anyway but never on so few calories. Everywhere I go I smell delicious foods and see people drinking lovely adult beverages while they lay out at the pool eating their bbq’ed meats…..it’s all very tempting and part of me loves denying myself those pleasures. I makes me feel like I have power. I control myself so well, it really makes me think I can do anything. Every day I train in my disciplines of muay thai and BJJ and every time I feel weak from the lack of food, I just tell myself that if I can get through today, I can get through anything. The next day I wake up, go for my 4 mile run and I eat my egg whites and small portion of fruit and I say to myself, ahh….this makes up for yesterday but it only makes up for it because I say it does and I allow it to. My mind and perception grow stronger and healthier every day. I feel blessed. These things that I could say are horrible, I chose to see as training and enlightenment. I chos

I know I’m a pretty lucky girl when it comes to injuries in my grappling and stuff. I’ve been wrestling 6 years and I’ve only had a handful of injuries and none of them have been really serious. I’ve broken fingers, toes and feet, sprained wrists and ankles, over extended joints till the cows came home, gotten concussed and now I’ve had my ear half way ripped off. Where do I start?  I’ll start with Cauliflower ear. I’m not pretending to be super smart, I’m not a doctor. I have had my fair share of run ins with cauliflower ear enough to know a little about it. I’ll try to explain it to the best of my ability and it will be pretty cave man sounding since I myself am a simpleton.  Cauliflower ear is a common condition in contact sports, especially in wrestling where one rubs ones ears frequently against abrasive objects. Ears get folded funny or squished funny when a wrestler is trying to do an escape or sweep or any kind of transition. There can be accidental elbowing or chins hitting the ear which can hit hard enough to bust the cartilage and cause swelling. There are many ways to cause the trauma, it’s not limited to wrestling alone but no matter the cause the results can be unsightly.  When there’s trauma on the ear, fluid will build up under the perichondrium. The perichondrium is a dense irregular connective tissue that  supplies nutrients to the cartilage. This fluid that builds up then separates the cartilage from said perichondrium. The cartilage then dies and hardens in an irregular shape. The skin over the ear will accommodate the new weird shape…this is how you get the beautiful looking ears you see on many fighters and wrestlers.

One way of preventing the deformed ear look, its to drain and splint the ear before the fluids harden. I’ve had to stick many needles in my ear and drain some nasty looking things out of my head a few times. I prefer to use a 24g needle. I want something that is thick enough to let the fluid drain out fast or at a reasonable rate.  Insulin needles are small and thin which are pretty much painless but they are so thin that often times the thick fluid can not drain down the short needle. So I tough it out and get the thicker 24g needles. The puncturing part is extremely painful. The punction needs to be deep enough to break through the skin and enter in the the soft fluid area with out punching through to the other side of the ear. I suggest going in at a 45 degree angle. Once you have the fluid drained out, it’s important to splint the ear so that more fluid doesn’t fill in and also to keep the shape normal-ish. One should keep the ear splinted for about 2 weeks. I used a nipple clamp to splint mine. The nipple clamp was like a tiny “C” clamp you can purchase at any hardware store. Get one that is small enough to fit on your tiny ear.

After having gone through the draining and splinting many a times in the past, I thought I might try wearing head gear to keep the tenderness of my ears down. A lot of people wear head gear because they can’t handle the awesomeness of how the cauliflower ear actually looks onces it’s hardened. It’s cool..not everyone can be rad. I’ve decided I will never wear head gear again. I had a freak accident today. I had my head gear on…everything was going great. A Girl caught me in a north south choke and as I was pulling my head out from it, my head gear started slipping up. The chin strap started choking the shit out of me and to top it off the ear part caught on to my ear and and the head gear shiftes up, it took my ear with it and damn near ripped my ear off. I have about a 3 inch gash on the back of my ear and the worst part was…I tapped out because I was chocking myself with the damn head gear. UGH..

The ear getting ripped did not hurt me what so ever. I actually didn’t notice it until my next match when I took my head gear off and got my opponent into a triangle choke and after she tapped, I saw blood all over here where my ear had been. The producer took a look at my ear and was like ” you need to go to the doctor” She almost threw up. I guess it looked pretty bad at first. I couldn’t see it though. I cleaned it up and asked someone to take a picture.   So here I am..waiting to get onto a flight home so I can hit up the urgent care that my insurance goes through. I could have found a place in San Jose but to be honest, I just want to go to my doctor in my town so if anything goes wrong I can hunt who’s at fault down and ruin their life :). I am sad because I have huge tournaments coming up and I am barely going to be healed in time for them. I will not be able to train hard for the week before these tournaments and I feel like I will be at a disadvantage. I will do well though. My ear is fine. every thing is fine. Had the producer not said something about needing to go to the doctor, I probablywouldn’t have gone because I can’t feel the thing nor can I see how bad it really is except for this little picture. Having a high pain tolerance can be a little scary. It makes me wonder what else has gotten messed up without my knowing it. Guess there’s no point fretting over the things I dont know about.

Here’s an update. I just got back from the Dr. He glued my ear back on. No stitches. I am not allowed to get my ear wet or grapple for 2 weeks. 🙁