I’m writing this blog on my iPhone while I commute to work. Ill try to actually proof read this post before I publish it but please excuse the grammar and typos. iPhone touch keyboards tend to change some words with their auto correct feature.
When kink hired me on to direct for ultimate surrender, it was almost like a last minute decision. I was born and raised in souther California. I love the city I lived in. Santa clarita CA is one of the most beautiful cities in all of the west coast. With the beaches an hour west and the mountains an hour east, there is plenty to do on a weekend or holiday. Santa Clarita has some great hiking trails and also hosts my favorite outdoor gun range. Not only is the city beautiful with its accessible nature trails and activities it’s also rich with history. Newhall is a town within the Santa Clarita valley. It is famous for the oak of the golden dreams where goldwas first discovered in Southern California. It is also famous for its “western preservation” thanks to William s. hart. Yes the city is nice and diverse but the real reason I stayed in that city my entire life was because my family lived there. My mom, dad and one of my brothers lived in the SCV. Moving to the Bay Area was a big decision for me. I was leaving everything I’ve ever known behind. When I was looking for places to live in Northern California, I had to take a lot of things into consideration. I wanted a place similar to SCV with good schools districts for my son and in a safe neighborhood with trails to hike but modern enough to have a mall I know sounds stupid but sometime when you live in a place that is beautiful with nature you end up having to drive 30 miles to get to the closest mall. I have a tweenage son who loves to do the mall crawl. So it’s important to have balance. It’s important to be close to nature and still be able to do the American pass time of window shopping in stores. 😉
I looked at several places in the Bay Area. I knew I did not want to live in San Francisco. I’m not a big city kind of girl. I did live in sf for 3 months in the interim of finding a place to live. I do love the city of San Francisco. It’s like they never developed anything after 1960. It has a throwback vibe. Very retro yet ahead of its time. The gas less muni and bart transportation is amazing I’m not sure why every city doesn’t get their shit together and get on this method of transportation. I guess America is so addicted to oil and politicians get too many metaphoric blowjobs from the Middle East to make public transportation independent of oil. C’est la vie. I will say its really nice to walk around in a big city and not be assaulted my smog or pollution.
I looked high and low for a place to live. I knew I’d have to live far outside sf to find a place like SCV. I knew I’d have to commute an hour to work every day but I’m willing to do that. I decided to move to the tri city area. It’s a 53 minute bart ride to San Francisco but that also means that is 53 minutes closer to the SCV so when I go down to visit every weekend I’m an hour closer each way making a 6 hour drive only a 5 hour drive which makes all the difference 😉
So I’m officially moved in to my new place. I have to admit its pretty sad that my place is empty. I gave away most of my furniture. Actually it was involuntarily given away. I stored it at someone’s place and they decided they liked it and I decided they could keep it. Mostly because I didn’t want to move it 300 miles but also because it made them happy. So I’m shopping for new crap for the apartment. Right now I have a mattress in my living room and a TV set up with my Apple TV and that’s about it. It feels lonely in an empty place but I’m hardly home so I don’t have to deal with the solitude too much until night time. My son is still in so cal finishing school until he transfers into jr high. So I’m utterly alone when I come home. The good news is ill start doing web camming again to have some company 😉 and to help fund the new furniture and appliances for my new place. Heheh kidding kinda ;). So that’s the news of the move. I have a movie I had a scene in coming out soon ill post more about that soon.

Well for a normal surgery, 6 weeks is the mark you get to go right back in to doing what you use to do. That’s not the case in an ACL surgery. My hamstring has atrophied a lot. I am allowed to work on strengthening it now. My quad is still a little weak but it is much better than it was 2 weeks post surgery. My knee still has some swelling but I can actually see the shape of my knee cap.

My PT regimen is getting longer and longer every week. We add new things to perform each visit I get with my PT. It takes me about 2 hours to do all the stretching and exercises I’m recommended to do.  Slowly but surely I am regaining my strength and balance. PT is hard but it’s not like the kind of hard a good workout or training session is. It’s a whole lot of effort for small movements. I haven’t been in “pain” in the rehab, save for the stretching. Trying to get my extension on the bad leg to 0 degrees was one of the most torturous physical things I’ve ever done. All the other pain has been mental. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. With the knowledge of knowing what my body “should” be able to do; the things I use to be able to do, not being able to do small things is devastating to my ego. Not being able to do a 10lb single leg curl is someone embarrassing to myself.

I’m very lucky I have the new job at kink which keeps me busy and challenged. If I were idol to sit and dwell on all these things I can’t do, I would go mad. I’d like to say that I’m a warrior and I would tough it out but to be honest this is hard and if I wasn’t forced to keep my mind off of the rehab when I wasn’t working on rehab, I’d be really depressed.

I’m going to jot down what I’m doing for PT, this is more for my own reference down the line if I ever come back to this to see how I handled every thing

I wake up and stretch my knee with it levitated ( leg straight) and let gravity ease the leg into a 0 degree extension. I must hold this for 15 minutes. If you’ve ever done bondage and have been “forced” to stay in a position for any amount of time, you can relate to how annoying this is then add the sever pain of a leg doing what it does NOT want to do. I then do pretty much every leg stretch you can imagine.

3 sets of 10 step ups

3 sets of 10 step downs.

3 sets of 10 “clam shell” with band hip adductors

3 sets of 10 laying face down tighten butt, leg raises backwards

3 sets of 10 quad flexed, straigh let facing up leg raises

on a exercise ball, shoulders on ball, hips up( not allowed to droop) calf raises 3 sets of 10

on exercise ball, single leg raises 3 sets of 10

standing- single leg calf raises 3 sets of 10

single leg half squats 3 sets of 10

3 sets of 10 single leg leg presses

3 sets of 10 single leg laying down leg curls

Note: all single leg exercises are performed on both legs, just one leg at a time

25 minutes on a bike

25 minutes on a stair master

This takes me about 2-3 hours to complete.

after PT is done, I hit upper body weights. I work out different muscle groups each day. I’m excited that I finally was able to do a pull up today, I wasn’t able to do them recently because i was putting torque on my hamstring in a weird way. I am back to being able to do most upper body exercises without any pain. I’m greatly excited that I am able to do the stair master and bike as cardio. It’s not my preferred method of cardio but who cares I’ll take it.

So there it is. I don’t expect much to change in the next 6 weeks except maybe the weights that I’m adding to any of the exercises. I will not get permission to run until may. I wont be able to wrestle for a while 🙁 it’s a slow process.

Thank you for the comfy socks. I love em  xoxo

I love it…and I love flexing my muscles in super sexy, classy dresses

Thank you

xoxoxo

I didn’t forget about you awesome folks who have been sending me stuff. I couldn’t shoot for a while I have been moving back and forth between LA and SF then I had surgery and I honestly couldn’t pose very cute for pictures. My leg is doing great. Im away ahead in my PT, I’m able to do a little bit of a work out now so my confidence is coming back and I found my camera  ( which was lost in the moving for a while) So now I have no excuses. So here ya go. Thank you for this amazing jacket that matches my cool shoes I picked up for myself the other week. MUAH. love you

Happy Valentine’s day to all you awesome people reading my blog. I do NOT have a hot date this year. I’m focusing on work and getting the Super Mega Awesome Battle Dream Supreme fine tuned and updated for the 15th. It’s my “love” for this valentine’s day. Me and my team have put in a lot of hours into getting this bad boy ready. The wrestlers busted their asses to get the shoot done. I’m so proud of all the ladies. I’m so proud of the shoot.

I wish I had some sexy stories to share with you for valentine’s day but I don’t. I’ve been recovering from surgery and working so there hasn’t been much time for hanky panky. To be honest I’m not in the mood. I mean I’m horny. I’m always in the mood for sex. I’m not in the mood to have to commit to giving anyone special my time and energy to get to the sex. If I could get a call girl or something I would do that but to be honest it’s just not that important to me. I rub one out and roll over..rub a few more out…then get up and pee….rub a few more out…watch some wrestling rub a few more out and fall asleep and BAM I’m done. I’m easy to please when I’m me. So not much exciting for my love life. I’m married to my job and I friggn LOVE IT.

I’m 3 weeks post Op. I had to switch to a PT in San Francisco. Kaiser is lame and forced me to do a regular doctor consult before they would give me a PT even though my surgeon in Los Angles had already put a referral. Insurance Politics are lame. no biggie, It’s just a waste of time and money.

I’m feeling okay. At night I’m in some pain but it’s manageable. The pain is from severe patella tendonitis. It feels like someone is rubbing an eraser super fast under my knee cap 24/7. The PT exercises my first PT gave me are getting easy. I’m ready to move on to the next tier of pain. I was able to go to the gym this morning. I haven’t been able to walk very much since I made a 6 hour drive from LA to SF ( doctor would not approve me to fly because my knee could explode like a baked potato in a microwave from the cabin pressure).

I’m in love with my new job at kink. My boss is cool as hell and my team is just great. We are all a bunch of nerds so we “get” each other. It’s pretty rad. I’m really excited for the big US match we have coming out Feb 15th. Its the one I’ve ben Fbing and Tweeting about non stop. The Super Mega Awesome Battle Dream Supreme. Its the video where Syd Blackovich and Dragon Lily come back in as team captians. They pick their teams and each girl is put against another girl on the opposing team for one 8 minute round. There are 12 girls total which means there are 6 rounds. Its some of the most intense wrestling I’ve ever seen and the prize round is off the HOOK And there’s a bonus gang bang scene in there y’all should check out.. yours truly gets it from the 6 winners. 🙂

I’m writing these blogs more for myself than for a viewers entertainment. I have been a little out of it since I had my knee reconstruction surgery. I stopped taking the prescribed pain meds 4 days after surgery. They were making me crazy. The effects of the anesthesia were still in my body for about a week post surgery. My brother was kind enough to drive me to and from the gym after my surgery. Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I was in the gym the day OF surgery. That’s right. I did a nice shoulder work out and it was awesome. I took 2 days off and went back and did a chest workout. I went to my BJJ gym and sit in on class and took notes. I didn’t grapple, I”m not stupid. It was great to get out of the house and see my gym peeps. Those people have become like a family to me.

I had my first day of physical therapy yesterday. It was one of the hardest days of my life. Not becuase of the pain but because the lady sat down and said I really need to NOT wrestle for a year and half and let me leg heal completely. She said that professional athletes we see on TV go back so soon after surgery because they have to, their time frame is limited. So I told her my time frame was limited too. I don’t take well to bad news. My brain has a misfire and I literally forget what ever crap nonsense is being said to me. I’ve always said I thought I had a bad memory but I’m realizing that my memory is just fine. I just have a great defense mechanism for forgetting crap I don’t like. 🙂

The exercises are tough. It’s tough to know what your body was capable of doing and not be able to do it. Over night everything changes. You’re walking one day, running, jumping and the next day you have to put all thought and effort into just bending your leg 2 degrees. That has been challenging. The first day after surgery was depressing and thank god the meds turned me into a zombie. I could not move my leg at all. The second day was a little better. I was actually walking with most my weight on my leg in a brace in the first 24 hours. I had full weight baring on it within 48 hours.

My doctor gave me the OK to stop wearing my brace only 2 weeks after surgery. My nurse was in shock. She said that the doctor usually makes people wear the brace for 4-6 weeks even if they are athletic. My PT confirmed that when I saw her the next day. She said I am weeks ahead of the curve and that scares her. She says she can tell I’m the type of person who will start feeling great and think I can go back into sports in the next few weeks. I assured her that I wll be smart about my recovery and listen to her. I have to listen to her, she’s like a dominatrix administering pain I’ve never known before. The exercises she has me doing to rehab my leg are torture. Bending the leg to a 110 degree is slightly annoying but getting it as straight as my non injured leg is mind blowing pain. My vision gets blurry when I have to do my rehab for straightening. I watch the clock and count every second of the 15 minutes ( 5 times a day) that I’m supposed to do these exercises. Today is day 2 of rehab and things seem 20% easier than they did yesterday. This a great news. I know my body and I know how it heals and responds. The first day is the worst. 2nd is better and every moment after 36 hours of starting something new is all easy.

I’m in a sticky situation right now. I got the job at kink.com. I have been living out in SF since late december. I flew back home to LA to have my surgery and I’ve been here 2 weeks to recover. I must now go back to SF. I have not found my own apartment yet. I’m going to have to hire movers to move all my crap from LA to SF. This is fine, that’s the issue. I’m going to have to switch my PT up to NOR CAl. For some reason my insurance  separated northern california from souther california. I had to get an entirely new medical record for my nocal visits. I hope it’s a smooth transition and I can get the pT I need. I will have to keep coming down to so cal to see my surgeon. UGH So I’m looking at getting a hybrid car. I will be driving from SF to LA every weekend. My Chrysler 300c hemi just isn’t practical for that. Who can suggest a good hybrid?

I went under for surgery on January 16th. Let me tell you about the process. It was rather annoying. I was told to arrive at 10:30am for checkin. You are not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the day before surgery. I have always been in the habit of eating every 2 to 3 hours. My body responds well to protien intake every 2-3 hours. If I do not eat within 3 hours I get grumpy. I was already grumpy when I arrived at 10am for checkin. I got more and more grumpy as I sat in the pre op room waiting for the operating room to be available. My Surgeon had gotten stuck taking longer on his first patient. It happens, can’t blame anyone, no big deal. But I was getting cranky after 4pm. I didn’t much like sitting in a hospital bed for that long of a time. I probably met 12 different people coming up to me saying he or she was going to be my nurse for the day. I felt like I was on Candid Camera and they were pranking me, like I wouldn’t notice they weren’t the same person. Every 30 minutes a new face would pop in ask me a million questions about my health then leave. Different people would pop in and ask the same questions. How old are you? what’s your name? what are we working on today? when was the last time you ate? are you on blood thinners? are you pregant you think you’re pregnant? are you on any meds? blah blah blah same questions all day. I suppose I prefer that they annoy me and get everything correct.

at around 4pm they put something in my IV and next thing I know I’m being woken up on the bed, a brace is on my leg and they are asking me to cough. I cough an then they take something out of my face. Then they tell me to take deep breaths. They remind me that I will need to take 10 deep breaths every hour and try to cough to prevent respiratory infection. I never had a nurse tell me this after a surgery so I was wondering if something went wrong. Everyone was acting like they were in a hurry. At first I though something went wrong and they were rushing me to some ICU or something but it turned out they all just wanted to go home. My brother was called in to take me home. They asked me if I was in pain and I said yes. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, what pain was I in? I said 9.   They went for some needles and said ” give her the nerve block” and I said ” NO NO, I dont want it, just give me an asprin” they looked at me like I was crazy. I remember before surgery they explained all the risks of the nerve block and it scared the hell out of me. There was no way I was taking that crap. I ended up suffering all night.

My brother took me home as I dry heaved in the back seat of the car. I was not feeling so well. I have had 3 surgeries in the last 2 years this being the third and most painful and unpleasant. I wasn’t accustomed to puking after coming out or being in THAT much pain. This was all a bit concerning for me at first.

I got home and started popping the Norco they prescribed me. It did not dull the pain. I popped a few more pills. Still no difference. I popped a few more. I remember it made me groggy and unable to focus but it did nothing for the pain. I sat watching the clock until I could take another pill. I looked at the prescription and noticed it said not to take more than 9 pills within a 24 hour period. I looked at the clock. It had only been 12 hours since surgery and I had taken 7 pills already. I told myself I needed to rest and hopefully I would sleep for 8 hours and wake up and be able to take the final 2 pills I had permission to take within a 24 hour period to last me up to the next 24 hr start period. I was still in a good deal of pain but I’m so obedient that I would NOT go over the 9 pill limit and I needed to ration them. I laid down on my bed. Set up my polar ice care unit and sat in darkness with that sound of silence booming at me. It was silent but my ears were throbbing from being in pain I could hear the blood flowing through my head. I needed to rest. I lay in bed, closed my eyes, focuses on my breathing and said, “today is bad, tomorrow will be the worst and after tomorrow its all better from there”. I knew the next days would be rough and I prepared for it. I focused on breathing and on NOT being in pain. Slowly, I was able to ignore the pain and eventually I feel asleep. The sleep was weird. It wasn’t real sleep. It was 2-4 hour intervals of sleep with weird nightmares that would immediately disappear from my memory within seconds of waking up. I’d groan from being in pain for about 10 minutes. My brother would rush in asking me if something was wrong and I’d just say, “no I’m just being a baby, it hurts, I didn’t know it was going to hurt this bad”. I’d go back to sleep and wake up in another 2-4 hours. This was the cycle for the first 24 hours.

I wasn’t able to do much in the first 3 days. I was tweeting and on FB but I’m not sure anything I said made sense. I remember watching a bunch of conspiracy videos but I can’t remember much of anything they said in the videos. I watched about 18 hours of video of the JFK conspiracy video and I actually remember a great deal of that. I was obsessed with JFK for a whole day. I could not turn away from the TV. I felt like a crazy person.

Most the days are blurs. I don’t recall much of anything. I remember people would call to see how I was doing and I’d answer and say ” dude I just had surgery, I’m tired I don’t mean to be rude but I don’t want to talk on the phone” I remember in my head thinking it was so rude of them to call. Now in a straight frame of mind, you and I know that it’s not rude to check in on someone. It’s thoughtful. But I remember being so insulted at the time every time the phone rang. I was like “don’t these people know they shouldn’t bother people right after they’ve had surgery” LOL man I was such a bitch.

Today I’m doing rather well. I’m in little to no pain. I stopped taking pain meds all together 36 hours ago. My vision is still blurry ( from the meds) I’m having heat flashes ( from meds) but other than that I feel good.  I am still really cranky and easily irritated. I am, however, walking without a cane or crutch. I have this big obnoxious leg brace on. It’s locked in a straight position. I can put full weight on it and walk about 100 yards before it starts hurting. I start PT next week. My doctor says I will most likely lose the brace by the 31st of Jan. By April 10th I should be able to start doing weight training on these legs again. Nothing before then tho because my new ACL needs to go through revascularization.

The things that have helped me immensely have been Lymphatic massage and IR light therapy. RICE ( rest ice compression and elevation) are common practice and I did that and I’m sure it helped a great deal. However, I noticed a huge reduction of swelling after using my tendlite unit and much much more reduction in swelling after I used my “stick” to do a lymphatic massage. Who knows tho. I didn’t use the light or stick until day 3 because the area was too tender to massage. Maybe day 3 is just the magic day where everything starts going down drastically. All I know, is every time I have inflammation I use this tendlite unit and it works like a charm.

To be completely honest I’m upset that I can’t weight train for 12 weeks. That is the longest I’ve ever gone without being able to train. I have already noticed a lot of atrophy and muscle mass loss. I’ve lost 10 lbs already in the last 4 days. I do not like being skinny. I do not like a waif look and I look like a waif. I am too skinny. I will need to manage my diet extremely tightly so that I don’t get flabby. I know that once I do start weight training again, I will get my size back in no time. I’m just bummed about the down time. I will try to find a BJJ gym in San Francisco that will let me sit in and watch so I can still learn while I broken.

So that’s the scoop. I’ve had about 100 emails of people asking how I’m doing. I appreciate everyone checking in on me. I really do. Thank you all for the support. I look forward to getting better and kicking ass for all of you

xoxoxo