Archives March 2025

We made it out of 2020, kinda. I should preface my post with the statement that I understand what is going on with the pandemic I understand WHY things are closed . I know we can’t wave a magic wand and have things go back to the way they were in 2019. The course of history has forever been changed. I am feeling a bit nostalgic of 2019 lately though. I think we all miss going to movies or concerts or a hot yoga class: We all miss something. I suppose the best thing to do in any situation that you have no control over is to reflect on the good rather than the bad. One good thing that has happened from all of this is I have been forced to slow things down. My gyms have closed, which was my main source of extra curricular activity outside of work. I have found myself with time on my hands that wasn’t there before but somehow I’m busier than I’ve ever been. Covid protocols for my industry are expensive and strict. So great deal of my life is booking and managing testing for anyone who shoots. Testing comes in late many times and shoots are cancelled often. When shoots are cancelled all the work I did to for those shoots goes down the toilet and I have to start from scratch. It’s stressful and expensive but anytime I catch myself complaining about how different things are, I take a deep breath and turn grateful that I’m even able to work. So many other industries have been devastated. I’m very lucky. I often reflect on how fortunate I am. I can make my own hours for the most part. I can pick and chose what work I want to do. I find myself being over taken by production duties and having to turn down custom video requests. For me to stop everything I’m doing for the productions I’m working on to go back and forth with someone over something they may or may not want to pay money to actually order and then when I do quote them a price they aren’t willing to pay it, I just find it easier not to do customs at this point. There’s a opportunity cost for me to stop planning my productions or stop editing and marketing my tried and true content to film a very niche custom video for one person. So right now I”m just not filming customs. I’m also not working with other producers who are not following the guidelines for our industry. By doing so I have found a happy balance between work and personal time. I have been in the industry for over 17 years. the first 15 year of my career I worked my ass off day and night..I think I’m over that hustle. I did that hustle then so that NOW I can make my money work for me. So every day of my life right now I am incredibly thankful for what i have now. I remember what I came from, I remember not having anything. I remember starting out wishing I could some day be in the position I am in now. So to be here now, is incredible. I am blessed. I could not have gotten here without the support of those of you reading this now.

I’m very excited to see some of my friends thriving right now as well. Many of my costars are doing very well on onlyfans and their clip stores. Its great to see them succeed. I wish everyone could be happy to see their friends succeed. That’s not the case however. I see distain from bitter jaded people who aren’t doing so well. They are not working so they have idol hands. Idol hands do the devils work. I’m pretty sure these idol hands are the people going around spreading fake news and stalking post by quanon ( sp?) oh fuck it I honestly don’t care if that’s spelled right)) . Listen, if you’re into that shit, you are entitled to believe what ever the fuck you want but don’t send me unsolicited shit posts about it. I wont even bother watching/reading/listening to what ever nonsense you send.

With this pandemic has come an opportunity for me to reflect on all my blessings. I’m forced to live a humble and simple life. In a world that I use to feel forced to be “ON” all the time, I am now finding solace in just sitting back and taking in the blessings. I can not get upset over the things I can not change. I work on disciplining my mind. It’s easy to run to the internet forums to try to find answers to why things are the way they are only to find fake news after fake news conspiracy theory websites that are designed specifically for lost people who need someone or something to blame. I have gotten caught up with it once or twice but I rather enjoy this opportunity to discipline my mind to filter out bs. Since the beginning of speech, humans have created stories to explain the things that they did not understand. Today we are no more advance than our bipedal ancestors. I’m blessed to live in a place where I am allowed to have my own opinion and write my thoughts. I’m blessed to have access to those BS websites. I’m blessed to have running water and food at my fingertips. Most importantly, I’m blessed to have my health and support from so many amazing people. So Thank you everyone for taking the time to read my thoughts. I know it can seem annoying to read someone who isn’t struggling talk about how it’s important to show gratitude but believe it or not, when I had NOTHING, I was even more grateful. Gratitude is something I have had to train my brain to do in good times and bad times. Gratitude is the #1 important thing to have each and every day.

For over 20 years in the adult industry, I have had the privilege of having deep, raw, and honest conversations with people about their desires, fears, and hidden truths—topics they often felt they had to hide for fear of negative judgment. I’ve seen firsthand how shame and societal conditioning keep people from embracing their true, authentic selves.

At a glance, it may have seemed like I’ve always been confident—after all, posing nude implies a certain level of self-assurance. But the truth is, my career became a tool for self-exploration in ways I never expected. Being paid to perform was a powerful incentive, but it was also a way to push past my own internal barriers and confront parts of myself I might have otherwise ignored.

The BDSM community, in particular, was cathartic for me. It provided a space to explore power dynamics, vulnerability, and personal growth. Yet, despite the external validation and self-discovery, there was always something blocking me from true self-love.

The Root of My Own Limiting Beliefs

I didn’t always believe I was worthy.
Growing up in poverty, neglect, and abuse, I internalized a deep-seated negative self-talk that whispered, You’ll never be good enough. That belief followed me for years, no matter how much success I found. I felt like an imposter in my own skin, unable to shake the weight of those early experiences.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Your past does not define your future.

Through years of deep inner work, self-hypnosis, and radical self-inquiry, I stopped running from my fears and started facing them head-on. Martial arts gave me discipline, surrounding myself with positive, supportive people gave me strength, and choosing to rewrite my story reminded me of something powerful:

I am worthy of anything I put my mind to.
I am not my past—I am who I choose to be today.

Reclaiming My Power – And Helping You Reclaim Yours

I have consciously chosen positive labels for myself:
Leader
Author
Business owner
Teacher, mentor, and guide

And now, I am officially stepping into my next role:
A board-certified clinical hypno-therapist and NLP practitioner

With these new tools, I will be offering life coaching, hypno-therapy, and NLP-based sessions to help others:
Overcome the fear of shame and ridicule
Break free from limiting beliefs and negative self-talk
Develop unshakable confidence and self-love
Step into their full potential

You Already Have Greatness Within You—Let’s Remember It Together

This journey has taught me that we all have the potential to heal, grow, and thrive—we just need to remember who we are beneath the fear, the conditioning, and the old stories we’ve been told.

If you’re ready to break free from the past and step into your highest self, I would love to guide you. Stay tuned for coaching opportunities, resources, and ways we can work together.

I have Free downloadable content on my coaching site evolvedlifemastery.com please take advantage of the free content. It will change you life.

You are worthy. You are powerful. You are enough.

Drop a comment below or message me if this resonates with you. Let’s step into our greatness—together.

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I have been honored to be a coauthor of a transformation book titled ” The courage to Win”. The Launch dates is May 17th. Stay tuned for details