So it’s been a while since I had a personal update on this blog. I’ve had a lot going on lately to say the least. I don’t know where to start other than by saying, I need to get some shit of my chest and I want to be heard. I don’t know what I want, empathy, sympathy…I don’t know, I just want to be heard and have my story told, like “The Ring” So you will have to copy my story or you will die in 7 days..hahah JK….please don’t share this with anyone…if they are real fans or friends they will read this on their own. This is for real supporter’s eyes only!!!<\/p>\n
Let me start back about 5 months ago. My guy and I have been together about 3 years. We have had some rocky times but who doesn’t. I thought we were destined to be together so I put up with a lot of shit…and believe me, he put up with a lot of shit as well. Regardless of what your rules and boundaries are in your relationship, it is hard for a man to date a woman in the adult industry. We had an open relationship. He didnt’ care if I fucked women and I didn’t ‘care if he did either…but I had rules. I needed to have the woman acknowledge my existence and say hi and be nice ( there is no way in hell I’d let him fuck a girl who was rude to me) and he had to be safe and have fun. I wont go into details but I just want to express that our relationship was flawless for the first year and then he push and tried my boundaries and rules…over and over….5 months ago he did something that betrayed me beyond anything I could imagine. I supposed I should let y’all know that he was the first man I had been with in\u00a0 avery very long time. I dont trust men to begin with. This man I fell for was something special. He was beautiful, inside and out and he told me everything and made me feel like a queen for the first year or so. I made a giant leap by allowing myself to trust him. I gave myself to him wholy. He did break my heart in and turn, rather than saying goodbye, I allowed myself to turn into a bitch and nag him and criticize him in all he did. We went on a break 5 months ago. Since then we have been off and on again..nothing new….we were always off and on…this time was a little more serious than the others though. When I go through a break up, I do not try to sleep around and fuck myself numb. I do the exact opposite. I hide away from all sexual things as I don’t want to share myself with anyone. I didn’t do a lot of\u00a0 erotic work while we were on this break…that was my choice..I just didn’t feel right. The one thing I could manage to do for work was my wrestling work. It kept me sane and kept me on my toes. I love wrestling more than any THING in this world. My love life has NEVER interfered with my wrestling.<\/p>\n
About 3 weeks ago, I busted my hand and wrist in a wreslting match…I was scared I would have to forfeit the summer vengeance tournament and cancel\u00a0some other jobs.\u00a0I broke\u00a0a finger, sprained2 others\u00a0fingers and sprained my wrist and told people I only sprained the wrist and finger so that I could still compete…This was not a big deal as I did\u00a0heal…I am still in recover but I have full range of motion and no deformities. I have been wrestling and working out just fine but that was some added stress.<\/p>\n
\u00a0Relationship issues don’t fuck up my mental game…but when you mess with my son, that’s when things start to break me down.\u00a0 About 2 weeks ago, my son was admitted into the hospital. He was wisked away in an ambulance after I sat holding him at his school for 9 hours. He was gone for 6 days. I did not know if I would ever see him again. I learned that he will have a serious problem for the rest of his life and that in and of itself has thrown me into a deep and dark depression. He has been out for a week and a half and seems fine on the surface. I am so happy he is home..over joyed…but depression lingers. My mind is gone…it’s in la la land. I am there but I am not. I can’t focus. I can’t eat..nothing makes me smile. I burst into tears for apparently no reason. I am tired all the time and can’t sleep. I am easily irritated and quick to bit people’s heads off. things that use to bring me joy simply do not bring me joy any more.<\/p>\n
I lost to Vendetta last week for the summer vengeance tournament. That fucked me in the head even more. It was a fight I shouldn’t have taken. I probably should have just withdrawn from the tournament but I didn’t want to be that much of a recluse. I new I had to work and still function. On the mats with her I was slow, sluggish and weak. She definitely was one step ahead of me at all times. There was absolutely nothing I could have done to prepare for that mentally. Physically I did my routine. I did heavy weights for\u00a08 weeks before the match and then the last 2 weeks I lighten my load. I carbed up the day before. I boosted my cardio..I was in GREAT shape physically but mentally, i was a train wreck. I do not wish to take away from Vendetta’s amazing performance. She probably would have kicked my ass anyway but at least it would have been much closer. At least I wouldn’t be coming down on myself so hard for losing.<\/p>\n
Things are getting better day by day. My son seems to be recovering well and I am slowly but surely able to go out and have “me time”..I am able to go to the gym and get my workouts done where as before I could go to the gym but I couldn’t even think about lifting weights. I would do one set and then say ” fuck it, go home”. I have been going to the beach a lot. The sun and sand and sound of the waves has been helping me relax. I have even stepped into a BJJ gym once or twice to grapple with some babes for fun. That alone has been a life saver. I go for 3 mile walks every day and that helps me look at the beauty in the world and think more positively. I spend some good nights with my son after he gets out of school and we just watch movies and each icecream which has been one of the most fun I’ve had in a long long time. Things are getting better. I am getting through all this<\/p>\n
So…that’s my life in a nutshell right now. and for those of you who have been clicking the links on my blog and buying stuff….thank you thank you thank you…every sale I make through this blog gets me a penny or two and those pennies add up..so please keep buying and please help put food on my table and pay the crazy medical bills I have racked up…yes I have insurance but I have copays and all that jazz…it adds up!!<\/p>\n
I love you guy…I couldn’t have gotten through this with out all you lovelies!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So it’s been a while since I had a personal update on this blog. I’ve had a lot going on lately to say the least. I don’t know where to start other than by saying, I need to get some shit of my chest and I want to be heard. I don’t know what I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[755,756],"class_list":["post-2119","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-just-a-regular-day","tag-ariel-x-love-life","tag-porn-star-personal-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2119","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2119"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2119\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2120,"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2119\/revisions\/2120"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2119"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2119"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ariel-x.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2119"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}